you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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