i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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