Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
