I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
