I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
