I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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