I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
