I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
