he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
