operation have a gay friend backfired
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
