a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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