No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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