She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
