the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
