atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
