you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
