so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
