Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it because I queefed?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
