Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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