How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
