You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
