the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
