shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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