can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
