I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
