so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
