I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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