Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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