Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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