So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he puts the penis in happiness.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
