I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
