capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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