Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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