before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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