I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
