You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
