i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
