you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
