conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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