my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
