porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
