And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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