If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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