it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
