I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
