Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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