Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
