walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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