Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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