When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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