how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
