So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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