i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
