I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
