This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
