but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
