listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
