so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize