I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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