goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
