Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
