I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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