I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
