I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
