Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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