you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
