it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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