Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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