On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
