Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
