Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
