You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
