He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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