don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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