Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
