: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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