i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize